The Ally's Field Guide

A Personal Note

This guide is for those who support the individual being targeted. It is written by someone who has been targeted, who has witnessed bullying, and who has experienced the quiet power of an ally's support and done her best to support the target in turn.

An ally can be anyone, of any gender, any background, and any level of seniority. What makes someone an ally is not who they are but what they choose to do when they witness someone being undermined, excluded, or treated as less than they are.

An ally does not have to be someone who can change anything. An ally can be a person who simply agrees with the target when they are being undermined, asks that they are allowed to finish their sentence, and treats them with kindness and professionalism publicly when others would not. Allies often become the best kind of leader: sensitive, action-oriented, and operating from an understanding that work is not just about output.

This guide is a thank you to those willing to go out on a limb for a colleague. It is also a practical toolkit for doing it well, protecting yourself while you do it, and staying true to your own professional goals throughout.

The ally can be bullied as well. Courage can put an ally on the target list next. This guide addresses that risk directly and offers tools for protecting yourself while you act.

What this guide covers: the five families of difficult workplace behavior from the ally's vantage point, with specific scripts for each of the sixteen entries, field notes on protecting yourself, and research on why allyship matters. It also includes a full self-protection tracker with eight tips for documenting your own acts of allyship and a quick-reference chart of all sixteen behaviors with the corresponding ally response.

I hope this guide helps you stay strong, avoid becoming a target yourself, and achieve your professional goals. You wonderful, kind human being.

The Five Families

Research shows there are multiple types of bad workplace behavior that undermine productivity, morale and motivation. Grouping them into five families helps you recognize the pattern before it escalates and respond from the ally’s unique vantage point.

• 🔥The Aggression Family Entries 01–03. Most visible. Most commonly reported formally.
• 🌀The Distortion Family Entries 04–06. Attacks perception. Paper trails and witnesses are the antidote.
• 🔒The Control Family Entries 07–09. Information, credit and access. Resources allies can redistribute.
• 🌫The Avoidance Family Entries 10–12. Evades accountability. Allies can correct the record.
• 🪐The Orbit Family Entries 13–16. Monitors and constrains. Allies can name what they observe.